Sketches

EASY MAIL

C = Customer

PO= Post Office worker.

C         I’d like to send this first class please?

PO       Public or private?

C         Sorry?

PO       Public or  private?

C         I just want to post it.

PO       [Sighs]

PO       Where to mate?

C         My auntie, in Devon?

PO       Devon? How old is she?

C         She’s 67, look what’s that got…

PO       Drive does she?

C         Yes. Well, she can, but she’s not very confident now her eyes are….

PO       Better be public then.

C         Why?

PO       Delivery to the door

C         Okay how much is that?

PO       £25 mate.

C         What!

PO       First class Royal Mail £25 to Devon

C         It’s only a birthday card for God’s sake.

PO       Well that’s the first class postage to Devon these days sir.

C         I could drive there and back for nearly that much.

PO       I was doing to suggest it sir.

C         But why?

PO       Well, that’s the public sector for you isn’t it?

C         What do you mean? What’s that got to do with it?

PO       Well you’re paying for years of wasters expecting a free ride.

C         A free ride?

PO       Pensions, contracts of employment, redundancy pay, a 37 hour week, a living wage, all that socialist rubbish.

C         So how much is the private mail to Devon?

PO       Ah now you’re talking sir, I knew you’d see sense. £2.50.

C         It’s still pretty steep… but okay.

PO       Very wise sir. You won’t regret it.

C         And when will it get there?

PO       First class sir, tomorrow, guaranteed next day delivery.

C         Great, it’s her birthday tomorrow.

PO       Checks her mail every day does she sir?

C         Well, of course, she doesn’t just leave it on the mat.

PO       Mat?

C         You know when it drops through the letter box, she picks it up straight away.

PO       Very funny sir.

C         Why funny?

PO       It’s the private sector sir, efficient, fast, reliable.

C         So?

PO       Efficiency does not do door to door.

C         So what does it do?

PO       All she has to do is pick it up from the Local Customer Satisfaction Collection and Delivery Point.

C         Which is where for Devon?

PO       Reading. Thank you for using EasyMail. Next

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